Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Vacation Journal

Last week was vacation week. If you're interested, here's my journal:

Day 1 – What’s wrong with these people? This is the 1st day of my vacation. Why aren’t they catering to my every whim? How dare they carry on their routine as though I was at work! The most exciting part of this day is taking the Buick for an oil change.

Day 2 – Off to the amusement park. This was the wife’s idea, taking the grandchildren so that we could “make a memory.” What about the memories I will have of the whole ordeal? Do you want to know where the Vatican got the idea of Purgatory? Amusement Parks! I had to pay $30.00 a head to get in. At least with Purgatory, that amount of cash may have gotten me out.

Day 3 – Oh boy, I got to cut the grass today. And, I repaired a clogged drain in the bathroom sink. OK, I didn’t actually repair it. In reality, I have the handyman skills of Paris Hilton. I held the flashlight for the friend who did the actual work.

Day 4 - So whose idea was it to get a trampoline for the grandkids? Apparently not the one who had to go to the store and buy the dang thing and load it into the car. Do you realize that they can put a 14 foot diameter trampoline inside a box that hangs out of the back of your car? Did you know that it weighs approximately the same as a baby rhinoceros? I was so grateful for the guys at WalMart who loaded it for me. I thought they were going to follow me home and unload it from the Buick. They must have gotten lost. I can’t believe that we assembled the whole thing in just under 2 hours. It may have gone much more smoothly had I not tried to assemble the safety netting and attach it to the trampoline before the trampoline was assembled. My wife took over the direction part right after. For 1 day, we were the most popular house in the neighborhood.

Day 5 - This was swimming day. The kids invited 13 friends each to go to the pool with us. Get this; my wife couldn’t go because she had a “migraine.” The old “headache” ploy is once again put into play. So, me and the population of a small village crammed into the Buick and made the trek to the pool. Due to the skillful application of sunscreen, I managed to avoid sunburn everywhere except for my back, thigh, face, and abdominal areas.

Day 6 – The kids had sleepovers, so my wife and I had a day together, alone. We had the entire house to ourselves! You know the rest of the story…we went to WalMart. I got to pick out my Father’s Day gift - a new gas grill. I objected, saying that I didn’t need such an expensive gift. The wife protested; “But the kids are set on getting you a new grill for Father’s Day. They even promised to contribute toward it” (although I never learned the precise amount of the alleged contributions). So, I picked out the grill they wanted me to buy, and paid for it with my own money. Fortunately, it came with free assembly. They will call me when it is ready. I have no idea how I will get it home in the Buick.

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